Do you ever feel like you’re going in circles, stuck in patterns that either don’t serve you, or you are just tired of seeing the same old thing again? You may be hoping that things will be different this time if you just try harder, want it bad enough, or can figure it out another way. You’re not alone. We all fall into habitual ruts that limit our growth and reinforce less-than-ideal outcomes. In this episode, I’m going to explore why we so easily slip into loops, the pain of remaining stagnant, and, most importantly – the steps to break free.
I’m going to share research-backed strategies to disrupt old patterns so you can take intentional action aligned with your deepest values. I’ll tell you that the path of change is challenging, but it is possible to venture beyond your comfort zone. If you’re tired of repeating the past and ready to create a new future, let’s get started because progress lies beyond the familiar.
We’ve all been there before. Staring blankly into the world as we repeat the same patterns and cycles while expecting something new to happen. You’ve heard that saying? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. It happens to all of us – we cling to the familiar, afraid to disrupt things and try something new even when we realize we’ll remain trapped and unhappy. It’s unproductive. It’s that project at work that never seems to get off the ground, no matter how many meetings you schedule. Or the tense conversations with your partner that go around in circles without resolution. Or maybe it’s the 5 pounds you continually try and fail to lose. Here we go again.
I don’t have to tell you that, as human beings, we are creatures of habit. We are so smart that our brains are wired to conserve energy by developing these routines and automatic responses. Without our habitual brains directing many daily tasks like getting dressed or driving home from work, let’s face it – we’d be exhausted by noon. That part is great, but if we are honest, not all habits serve us. Many are counterproductive or even harmful in the long run. Yet we play pretend, continuing the cycle and passively waiting for things to somehow change. And I’m curious: Have you ever thought about why we get stuck this way?
We identify something we don’t like that we want to change. We make the decision. Feel good for a bit. And before long, we resume life as usual until it bubbles up again? Despite good intentions and not having addressed the root issues, we end up in the same place over and over. It’s natural to want to wait and hope something shifts, but I’m here to tell you it likely won’t without disruptive change to the unhealthy pattern.
That saying of Albert Einstein the “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” We know it. We see it. And yet, so many of us insist on doing just that, whether with our careers, relationships, or health goals. Deep down, we know our habits aren’t serving us, but we cling to what’s comfortable instead of pushing beyond our comfort zones toward positive change.
But today, I have a feeling things are going to shift for you. Because with awareness it is possible to break free of self-sabotaging loops and create empowering habits aligned with your best self. Here’s the thing – making lasting change requires brutal honesty, courage, and consistent effort focused on forward progress rather than perfection, and I know you have it within you. So, let’s talk about how to escape the spin cycle of unhealthy patterns, considering just three steps.
Sound good? Ok, let’s get started.
Step One is straightforward, back to my favorite core step from the Expansion Experience. We need awareness. In step one, you need to :
- Identify the core issues maintaining dysfunction
Regular speak. What’s causing the problem.
In this step, resist the urge to blame external circumstances and take responsibility for your role in perpetuating bad habits. Ask yourself thoughtful questions to unearth why you continue participating in the cycle. Basically, you need to get curious. None of our brains like to have it pointed out we may not be doing things right 😊 That good old ego. So you may have to ask the question in different ways. Like an attorney doing a deposition. Explore all the facets. So, for example, what fears hold you back from communicating more effectively with your partner? Or what beliefs hinder you from launching new work projects more efficiently? Getting clear on the underlying root of issues will clarify the change effort ahead.
With awareness established it is possible to go deeper into curiosity and add a bit of creativity. With detachment, this step can be fun if you look at your challenges like a puzzle to be solved.
Have you ever been to an escape room? My nephew loves them. In the escape room, you must explore the room and look for clues and patterns to unlock the next step and ultimately get out. It’s the same thing: we must examine our thoughts, feelings, and stories and determine why we cling to specific patterns. Then, when we have that aha moment and make the connections, new possibilities come to light, and from there, we can move more fully into step 2 :
- Design an action plan to disrupt the pattern
The heightened self-awareness and brainstorming from step one allow us to design an action plan detailing practical steps to move forward and proactively shift the dysfunctional loop. You might find that if tense conversations with a family member often go in unproductive circles, listing out ground rules at the start that both of you commit to, such as listening without interruption, communicating feelings via “I statements,” and taking a break if tensions escalate shift things a bit.
For habits around overeating or lack of exercise, an action plan could include meal planning strategies or scheduling fitness classes in advance. Start small with just 1-3 manageable, measurable goals. Establish deadlines and commit to sticking with these actions for at least 60 days to give the new pattern a chance to solidify.
Last fall, my nephews did a corn maze. If you’ve been in one, you’ll identify with this. In the beginning, you are going through, and it seems like everything is working out, then bam. Dead end. You’ve got to backtrack and try a different way. Sometimes, you wonder if you are on the right path. Let’s face it: progress isn’t always linear, even with a map and a plan, so you must reassess and revisit. These are the dips in life. So, my third step is how to stick with the dips. How to plug through when inspiration wanes and motivation and positive emotions plummet. Inevitably, things will feel harder than expected, and in those moments when your progress stalls, your old habits will look mighty appealing. Let’s get over this, right? This is when many give up. But not you. This time you are going to:
- Stick with it through the dip
Let’s all acknowledge change is hard. As you work to embody new habits, you will experience some growing pains or weak moments, questioning if it’s worth it. Progress isn’t linear. A quote I love is from bestselling author and leadership expert John C. Maxwell.
He says, “The one thing that separates winners from losers is that winners learn to embrace the dip.”
When facing hurdles derailing your new pattern, whether it’s frustrations, exhaustion, or self-doubt, this is where you need to dig deep to assess your inner resolve. This is where you rely on support systems like friends, family, or coaches to provide accountability and encouragement. Don’t let yourself spiral backward into old routines when you hit an inevitable dip. Regain your footing and continue marching forward choice by conscious choice.
And here’s the thing: if a misstep does happen (and it will), correct the course quickly by examining what led to it and identifying learnings, then keep going. I’ll never forget when I was doing Bright Line Eating; they would say that if you got off track, start back with the next meal, not the next day. Because, as long as you progress overall, missteps represent valuable data.
I’m sure you’ll agree that breaking habits that no longer fit is more urgent than ever in times like this of uncertainty and rapid change. Yes, clinging harder to what’s familiar can seem comforting and safe in the short term. But in the long term, it keeps us stuck spinning our wheels in patterns incongruent with who we aspire to be. And that just doesn’t feel good. It comes back to Choosing Your Hard – one of the sayings I have engraved on my keychain.
If you want to move forward and have a growth mentality, it will take fierce commitment and thoughtful strategy focused on forward momentum vs perfection. And as a self-proclaimed perfectionist, that’s hard for me to say, but it’s the absolute truth. We must take ownership to respond differently, to grant ourselves the power to rewrite new narratives aligned with our best selves. And I want you to trust that with consistent effort, before you know it, those once familiar unhealthy cycles can be firmly in the rearview, and the effort to maintain the new habits becomes less and less.
The choice is yours. Choose your hard. Wherever you find yourself today – relationship tension, career frustration, or health setbacks – know that you can respond differently starting now. You’ve got this!
